He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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