Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
