We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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