Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
