goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
