his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's shark week go big or go home
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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