so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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