her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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