Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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