Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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