Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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