i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Help. Why am I so naked?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
