I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
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dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
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Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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