we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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