hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
