I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
