Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Randomize
