Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
