Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
