So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
