Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
