i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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