I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
