make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize