bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
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I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
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When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize