I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
