I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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