I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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