She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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