i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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