wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
