So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I am one with the molecules
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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