It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
