i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
