He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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