You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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