sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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