Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
