Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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