Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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