We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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