Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
