its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
