sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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