He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
