I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
