How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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