is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
