I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
