we made out on top of his cat.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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