I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
