Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
