Where did you get a picture of my penis
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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