I wish my penis had an off switch
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
