I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
