I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
