We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
