Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
