I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
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I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
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