Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
His hands were made for my vagina.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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