Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
