Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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