i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
