You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
