Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
