can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize