i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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