I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
