my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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