I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
