Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So here I am, sexting at work.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
