I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
