He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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