Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
