I murdered the dance floor call the cops
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
