help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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