I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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