So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
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He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
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I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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