Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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