he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
